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| A recent photo of my face (in case you forgot what it looks like) |
The truth is that I've been wanting to update you guys about my life for ages. Not being -- SPOILER ALERT -- a student any longer and working in an upstairs office 40 hours a week has kept me kind of isolated and out of the way. Blogging's one of the few ways I can reach out to the world right now and say, "Hey! I'm alive." Little good that's been, though, as I haven't blogged in 40 days. FORTY DAYS. That's how long Jesus fasted in the wilderness, guys. Scripturally, the number 40 is usually associated with testing, trial, and probation, so I guess it's rather appropriate. That's not to say life's been a trial. It's been hard, but it's been sweet and incredible as well. It's been all sorts of things. And for once in my life, I don't know how to blog about it.
So what am I going to do? Blog about it. Here's my life in a nutshell.
What I've been doing: Today, crying. My stake presidency just got released at stake conference. Last week, my bishopric got released and my ward got discontinued. Needless to say, it's been one heckuva week. I'm usually okay with change, but so much change has been hard to adjust to, especially since I dearly, dearly love my priesthood leaders and they've been a constant for me in a life that's been very inconstant. I don't deal well with people leaving. It's the hardest thing about life.
Last week? Hiking. I did a night hike up Crimson Trail. It was so beautiful up there. I just sprawled on top of a cliff and watched the stars fill the whole sky, spilling in like grains of sand from the galaxy. The smell of the woods, the sound of the crickets, the feel of dirt beneath my feet, the way my headlamp spread sheets of white across the tops of the trees...oh, it was magic. I did see a rattlesnake, which was terrifying, and I did convince myself that animals were waiting to leap from the woods and eat me, but otherwise, it was such a good trip. I always feel so rejuvenated after hikes like that, like I've been holding my breath for ages without realizing it and I can finally exhale.
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| A picture from the trail |
Generally? I've been working. It seems like that's all I do anymore. I work at a sporting goods store and basically run the Internet customer service side of things. I'm also blogging about gear and local hikes and stuff like that for my company's new website on the side. My job and I have a love/hate. Emotionally, it's incredibly hard for me. Customers have a tendency to be extremely rude when they don't get what they want, and that has taken a measurable toll on my health. Even on a good day, I expect and dread getting a phone call from another angry person. On the flip side, it keeps me busy. I do lots of different things. I've found a crazy passion for outdoor gear and nature since working there, and I kind of think I want to pursue that in my search for a career. I've never been so drawn to outdoor retail before, and I'm getting suspicious that I'm figuring out why I needed this job.
What I haven't been doing: Going to school! Yeah, so, I'm not a student anymore. I quit that a week before school. I was going to study marketing, if you remember. I had a sweet internship, if you remember. I felt good about it, if you remember. But about a month ago, I didn't feel good about it anymore. I've asked myself why several times, and the conclusion I have reached is that the Lord allowed me to feel good about school back in February when I decided on it because I had nothing else.
A year ago this month, I had one of the most debilitating, dark times of my life. It lasted September, October, and partway through November. In November, when it was just ending, other things fell apart. A relationship that I can now admit was very unhealthy fell apart. I was devastated. I tried and failed to find work for a good six months. I tried and failed many times to feel okay with myself. Honestly, I know I felt good about school because I needed something to look forward to at a time when I had nothing. Now that I'm back on my feet again and content, I know it's right to not go back. I get this feeling I won't ever go back, and I'm okay with that. The Lord has always been one to have other plans in store for me, and they've always turned out beautifully.
What I've been listening to: Everything. Feast your ears on this gem:
(Please forgive this horrid formatting. My coding skills are rusty.)
What I've been eating: Lots and lots of spring rolls and peanut butter cookies. Lots of gluten free stuff, not by choice, but by laziness. Natural Grocers is just right there.
What I've been dreaming about: Making it big with my writing, being able to have a job I love every single day. The occasional nightmare about being chased down by a murderer. You know. Same old.
What my dating life's like: ...
I honestly don't know how to answer that right now. I'd say it's complicated, but it's not. It's incredibly matter-of-fact. And I know I'm being really cryptic right now. Let's just say I'm not dating anybody right now. Let's just say I'm not emotionally available, and let's pretend I didn't even hint at it, because I don't know how to, okay? And this is important enough that I desperately want to write about it, but I'm cautious, okay? Okay. Glad that's settled.
What I've been reading: I started a book called "Understanding Your Endowment" that I will write a review for you guys about. So far, I enjoy it.
What I've been singing: Lots of made up songs. I've been making up songs like crazy lately. I made one up about people running four way stops the other day. It was a winner.
What I've been wondering: How I can change, how I can be better than I am. I've thought about that a lot lately.
What I've been preparing for: Comic Con. I've gone through three or four different costume ideas, and I'm just done with it. I can't think of anything clever or comfortable or funny or good. I may just go as Han Solo again, or just wear a nerdy t-shirt, at this rate. It's frustrating. I like going all out, and this year, I can't really.
What I've been struggling with: Patience. Big time.
What I've been winning at: Being aware of my faults, which isn't always a good thing.
What I want to change: My priorities. My lack of free time.
There's a little slice of my life for you. Don't worry. I'm not one of those bloggers planning on fading out of the blog world. I've been a little distracted, but I think things are on track. I'm doing the little things, and doing those things gives me the inspiration to write. You'll hear more from me soon.
Love: Ari
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