It's been awhile.
A lot's been happening in my life. A lot of good things, a lot of bad things, and all happening at precisely the same time. The Lord is really testing my patience, asking me to wait upon him in regards to things that I desire and things that I struggle with. I've been in over my head more than once. I've revisited memories that are extremely painful for me to think about. Over and over again, I've been distracted.
Life is delicate and beautiful, but sometimes life is cruel. Sometimes life happens all at once when you're too vulnerable and too unprepared and too confused to manage it.
Right now, life is challenging. Right now, life is disheartening. But that's only right now. It's embarrassing to think of how many times I have to be reminded that the right now is momentary. But it is. Fleeting and momentary.
Thank goodness for the Savior. Thank goodness for a plan that was thoughtful enough to not only cover our sins and transgressions, but our discouragements and our heartbreaks. How merciful! It isn't just that Jesus Christ suffered for our mistakes -- he suffered for those moments when we can't sleep at night because we're so worried about the future. He suffered for those seconds when our hearts are wounded, when we are achingly lonely, with or without justification, when we feel like we aren't enough for the Lord, for our friends, or for the people who are the most important to us. He suffers for "the right now," and that, to me, though incomprehensible, is ennobling. I am refined because he knows the me of today, not just the me of yesterday or the me of tomorrow.
I am small and weak and often discouraged, and he, knowing that, loves me anyway, not as a young plant or a pet or an object, but as a daughter, a sister, a child. I belong to the Lord, and because he suffered for me, I belong to the Savior.
Today may be challenging, but I have an advocate who knows that and gives me peace, even as I write this now.
Know that he loves you, too.
Labels: beliefs, life, Mormon, trials