|Me as a weird freshman.|
Well, I made it. I am officially on the last leg of my undergraduate career. Oh my.
Now what? That's the big question, isn't it.
My grandpa thought I'd be serving a mission at this point, my parents thought I'd be seriously dating, and the whole rest of my neighborhood and extended family hoped I'd be married and pregnant with my first child, living in a lovely condominium near campus as my RM husband pursued his dreams of being a mechanical engineer.
Remember what I thought? I thought I'd be close to finishing my studies in journalism at BYU this year. Heh heh. PLOT TWIST. I am doing none
of these things. Isn't life great? It's like God is Agatha Christie and we are each His Poirot -- we're just bopping around, trying to figure things out, but He's the only one who could possibly know how our story ends. Side note: most of us, unfortunately, are not as clever as Poirot. Case in point: one time when we didn't have caller ID, this Indian guy called us and said that he was from Windows and that they needed to take control of my computer because there was some crazy virus going around. I let him and his username was Joseph Smith and he said I needed to purchase a $600 virus protection program to get it off and that
was the point when I questioned the legitimacy of everything. *facepalm*
So anyway, I am an undergrad, I have no idea what I'm doing with my life, and this has been THE LONGEST week of my college career.
This Week on Campus ~ 8/26-30
Sixteen textbooks. Beat that. You probably can't. Cause my textbooks aren't textbooks.
On Famous Women by Boccacio
Big Sleep by Chandler
Dream Visions and Other Poems by Chaucer
ABC Murders by Agatha Christie
Murder is Announced by Christie
Murder of Roger Ackroyd by Christie
Medieval English Political Writings compiled by Dean
Sherlock Holmes: Complete Novels Volume 1 by Arthur Conan Doyle
Pen/O.Henry Prize Stories 2012 edited by Furman
Maltese Falcon by Hammett
Life of Castruccio Castracani of Lucca by Machiavelli
Murders in the Rue Morgue by Edgar Allen Poe
Oedipus the King by Sophocles
Making Shapely Fiction by Stern
The Miracle of Forgiveness by President Kimball
It's like a Hogwarts reading list. For English majors. But I'm also going to have to read all of these things in 3-4 months. Hoooooboy.
So, anywho, college. I woke up at 5:30 Monday morning for a meeting with my committee (I'm over the publicity committee for the Logan Institute). It's a fun committee, but I'm definitely being pushed a little out of my comfort zone.
|Me as a secretly weird senior. |
For example, for the first time in my life, I'm understanding how it can be so hard to put the Lord first. To be honest, it's always been kind of hard for me to empathize with other people who struggle with paying tithing or attending Institute or other things, because for me, those things have come easy. They haven't been much of a sacrifice, I guess. For the past two weeks, however, the Lord has taught me empathy. I get why giving Him time can be so hard. I get how difficult it is to get up in the morning knowing that He's going to keep you busy all day long. When you're not worrying about school or work or your family, you're worrying about doing what He has asked you to do. In fact, you're often so worried about what He has asked you to do that you miss the entire point in the first place of why you're supposed to be doing those things.
As an Institute council member, I am being put into positions that aren't always the easiest for me. Leader, organizer, and designer are the main ones. Leader, because, as I've stated enough times to make people roll their eyes, I'm pretty introverted. I love getting to know people, but mainly one on one. I get so anxious in groups. Organizer, because, well, because I'm the type of person who takes notes on napkins and throws them away by accident. Designer, because designing takes a lot of effort and care. Heavenly Father has this habit of putting me into positions that I don't feel ready for. It's sometimes frustrating, but at the same time, I love that He wants me to grow.
Classes are . . . classes. Sigh. This week has just been hard. Mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausting. I thought I would hit up some Week of Welcome stuff since I never really have. I spent Day on the Quad collecting all of this random crap that I didn't have a bag for. And it was hot. And there was a free rock wall. And I wasn't really dressed for it. So I just gave up and went to take a nap underneath the Institute Council table. I didn't make it to the dance or the football watch party or any of this other stuff. It's weird, because I don't really mind. Is this what being an adult feels like?
Being an adult is exhausting.