|A current photograph|
Sometimes I wake up and think to myself, There's
no way this day will be any different than yesterday or the day before yesterday.
That's a terribly dreary way to think.
But when you're 21 and soon to graduate college and working all summer and seem to not be going anywhere fast, that's how you start thinking. The only way to differentiate this day from that day is to really stop and reflect about them, to re-realize that you are still alive, still doing well.
So, hi. My name is Ari, and I am still alive, still doing relatively well.
I go to work sometimes and I get super messy, to the point where I'm self-conscious of going out and indecently exposing customers to the carnage of chocolate Ready Ice.
Sometimes I realize that there are a couple of super attractive coworkers there and that I always seem to act like an idiot whenever either of them are around. I often like to imagine holding hands and walking through the grocery store on a date because it sounds like the most oddly romantic thing in the world. I sit back and watch people talk and laugh in the produce department, and I realize just how handy it is to have grocery stores at a time when people don't communicate with each other like they should or as often as they should. I go home with my feet aching and my hat hair all akimbo, but I feel good.
I do internship work sometimes. This week I got to hold an anthology that my friend Ariel and I designed all on our own. It was so beautiful that I wanted to cry. I felt like I'd done something incredibly great, and that felt incredibly great.
I worry about tuition sometimes, because I was dumb and procrastinated getting my paperwork turned in. I'm going to need a miracle to be able to pay it off before they purge my schedule, especially since I just don't have the money to do so. But I'm hanging onto faith, and it's comforting to realize that no matter what happens, I'll be okay.
I fail at dating sometimes. One bad side effect of being kind of introverted is the inability to realize that when I should be flirting, I'm being too aloof and
when I should be aloof, I'm being too flirty. I discovered recently that I have every power within me to turn on the aloof button when it needs to be turned on. Now, if only I could turn on the flirt button when it needs to be turned on so that I don't miscommunicate my emotions. Sigh.
Last Friday there was a huge stake dance, and because I was standing around like the partial wallflower that I am, some guy danced by with a girl, shoved an empty plastic cup in my hands, and said, "Could you hold this for me? Thanks." And my inner Johnny Raincloud was like, "So now I'm a human trash can. Great." That is my life sometimes, people.
I have to wear stupid, migraine-inducing glasses sometimes, I watch Arthur sometimes, I read books in my room all day sometimes, and sometimes, I just blog, even though I'm convinced that I should have waited until I was engaged to start a blog, because then people would be compelled to care about the many details of my life.
But this is life. Boring, charming, chugging along.